Here’s a rundown of some of the dumbest things you’ll hear from the hunting community.
“Harvest” or “Harvested”
Are you a farmer? Do you own a combine? No? THEN YOU DIDN’T HARVEST A GODDAMNED THING, KYLE. I don’t know where this dumbass phrase came from, but I know why people say it – they don’t want anti-hunters to be mad at them. F**k anti-hunters and f**k you, too, pal. We’re not in the soy bean business; we’re out here to kill critters. I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’m sitting at the first Thanksgiving dinner every time I log onto Instagram. If you want to have a “clean and ethical harvest,” go help your mom with her backyard salsa garden (tell her I said hello, by the way). Stop bending the knee to the “woke” crowd and be proud of your place at the top of the food chain.
“Filling the Freezer“
Do we really need to keep saying we’re filling the freezer? What the hell else are we doing with the meat!? THERE’S A LEGAL REQUIREMENT TO TAKE THE MEAT OFF OF THE ANIMAL, JACKASS. I touched on this briefly in another post, but unless you’re living in a third-world country, you’re not out there busting your ass just for the meat (before anyone loses their minds, yes, I enjoy eating wild game). I’m sorry, but you didn’t take two weeks off of work and spend thousands of dollars on scent wafers, heated socks and tree saddles so you could “provide for your family.” Last I checked, grocery stores still exist. Maybe it’s time these idiots grew a pair and admitted hunting is fun, challenging, necessary and rewarding. Just a thought.
“Between the third and fourth rib”
OH YEAH? IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE DOING – AIMING BETWEEN THE THIRD AND FOURTH RIB ON A DEER FROM 70 YARDS AWAY? DO YOU HAVE SUPERMAN’S X-RAY VISION? I swear if I hear another influencer say this I’m going to have a brain aneurism. No sane person has ever drawn a bow back, looked through the peep sight and started counting ribs. Stop being a douchebag and just admit you’re looking for a heart shot. Christ.
Alright, you f**king hipsters – they’re called elk. E-L-K. People in this country with tribal memberships don’t even call them Wapiti. The only reason you landed on that word is because no day of the week starts with the letter “e” and you wanted something to hashtag on Wednesdays. Pour out your venti skinny latte and start speaking like a normal human being.
“He’s a cull buck”
Pull the Ranger over, stop checking the integrity of your high fence for one second and repeat after me: “CULLING BUCKS DOESN’T PROMOTE BETTER ANTLER GENETICS.” Feel better? There is plenty of science on this, so if you continue to believe in culling you’re riding the same short bus as flat-earthers and Sasquatch hunters. I can already feel the entire state of Texas glaring at me through my monitor. WE LIKE OUR GENETICS PURE ‘ROUND HERE, THANK YEW.
“That’s why it’s called ‘hunting,’ not ‘killing.'”
Tell me you’ve never killed anything without telling me you’ve never killed anything. The people who say this also end a lot of hunts by saying something that starts with, “you know, it’s really about…” WHAT? WHAT’S IT REALLY ABOUT, PRAY TELL? Getting outdoors? Being in nature? Spending time with friends? What other precious nuggets of wisdom are you holding onto? I didn’t wake up at 3:00 a.m. to drink instant coffee and watch a sunrise with a bunch of assholes that barely tolerate me – I’m here to commit gratuitous violence against whatever animal I have a tag for. So that I can, uh, fill my freezer, of course.
“We need more hunters“
The f**k we do. No, what we need are more active hunters in the hunting rights arena. I’ll dive into this topic more at a later date, but unless half the voting population decides to throw on blaze orange and head into the woods, we’ll never be able to fully guarantee our way of life is protected. Have you ever headed out for a hunt and wished more hunters were in your area? Hell no, so let’s stop pushing this bullshit narrative and focus on galvanizing our own base and educating those who are indifferent. I’ll also take this opportunity to encourage you to check out howlforwildlife.org (if you’ve not done so already). I’m not affiliated with them in any way – I just like what they’re doing.
What’d I miss? Let me know with a comment here or on Instagram @theangrybowhunter.