TAB’s List of Approved New Year’s Resolutions

Here’s my list of reasonable and attainable goals for the new year.

We’re at the cusp of 2022, and not only does that mean I’m one step closer to an inevitable back surgery, but it’s also the time of year where millions of people will lie to themselves about the things they’ll accomplish over the coming months. Let’s be honest – this isn’t the year you’ll finally learn Spanish or get that six-pack. But, there are some things you might be able to achieve and I’ve listed them here:

  1. Trying new whiskey. You may hear folks talk about their desire to give up alcohol for the year. Those folks will inevitably fail, so let’s not go down that road. Rather, make a commitment this year to expand your horizons and try some new brown liquors. I spent far too much of my youth in a 7&7-induced haze – now, I’m committed to trying as much bourbon as possible. That includes Howler Head and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I love it so much and it doesn’t make sense – I hate bananas.
  2. Deleting/Not Downloading TikTok. I shouldn’t have to say this, but TikTok is no longer simply for kids. It’s creeping into the lives of adults, and it’s literal cancer. Don’t get caught in an endless stream of shitty content while the Chinese harvest your data. Do something productive with your life, like drinking bourbon and listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd in your garage.
  3. Not letting your bow collect dust. Just like the guy who found out he knocked up a stripper at a New Year’s Eve party, hunting season isn’t going to be around for the first nine months. That’s no reason not to shoot your bow, so pick it up and become a better archer. Go to some local shoots. Practice on that bag target in your backyard that has a picture of your boss stapled to it. Do something. Just don’t wait to break it out until the week before the season opener.
  4. Putting more effort into being a successful hunter. You can always get better, no matter how well you did in 2021. Thanks to jackass influencers and grimy services like GoHunt, hunting is only going to get more difficult as we continue to see an influx of idiots at the trailhead. What’s going to separate you from the guy with a “Keep Hammering” sticker on his rear window? Better scouting, better shooting, better knowledge of the landscape, etc. There’s no substitute for time in the field. Put your fate into your own hands and go kill some critters – just not in Wyoming. It sucks here. Stay away.

That’s pretty much it. I hope you all have a great 2022 with lots of taxidermy, meat in the freezer and all that good shit. Now, where’d I put that banana bourbon…

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